| Does Your Child Argue About Everything? Maybe He's Got ODD |
| Written by Matt Hellstrom | |||
| Tuesday, 20 January 2009 15:38 | |||
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Parenting 5 adopted children has caused me over the years to become if not not well versed, at least well read on issues we may encounter. So in this research it is no great surprise that I included Oppositional Defiance Disorder, aka ODD. While looking further into this, I discovered a resource called the Total Transformation Program by Dr. James Lehman, behavioral therapist. When I read his description of a day with an ODD kid - ongoing arguing in an unknown battle beginning with waking up in the morning and continuing well past their bedtime - I knew I had to learn more.
Parenting 5 adopted children has caused me over the years to become if not not well versed, at least well read on issues we may encounter. So in this research it is no great surprise that I included Oppositional Defiance Disorder, aka ODD. While looking further into this, I discovered a resource called the Total Transformation Program by Dr. James Lehman, behavioral therapist. When I read his description of a day with an ODD kid - ongoing arguing in an unknown battle beginning with waking up in the morning and continuing well past their bedtime - I knew I had to learn more. Oppositional Defiance Disorder Definition Best to start with what it looks like. These kids don't cope well, tempers easily and frequently flare. They resent authority figures, forcefully boss other children around, and are often annoyed and frustrated. Blaming everyone but themselves for situations they've created. They also tend to pick friends who also have these characteristics, which tend to be angry, pouting teens. It's impossible to satisfy kids with ODD, because their thinking is irrational. They want your attention, but when they get it they'll tell you to leave them alone. Bottom line is that kids with ODD aren't very likable, which make parents feel guilty because even though they love the child, they pretty much don't want to be around them. Plus, they're hesitant about being in social situations since the ODD child is quite often embarrassing or out-of-control. Sadly, I know how this feels first hand from my experiences with a few of my kiddos and it's a drag. What Causes Oppositional Defiance Disorder in Children? First off, Oppositional Defiance Disorder is not related to self-esteem. Foundationally, it is their lack of problem solving skills that kick the behaviors to control through fighting, negotiating, bargaining etc. into play. Per Dr. Lehman it just doesn't make sense to say that a child will comply if he feels good about himself. Mostly because how he feels cannot help him cope. Ok, so knowing this, how do I put my family back in order? Dr. Lehman says that one thing to definitely not do is to give the child a time out. A child with ODD won't use the time out to change his thinking - he'll use it to plot revenge. Parents need to change their parenting style to deal with a kid with oppositional defiance behavior. Here are 4 tips that he suggests. You can find many more in his wonderful program The Total Transformation. I just can't describe how much good its done for our family. 1. Oppositional Defiance Disorder kids need structure and firm training that the focus is on how to solve the problems that cause the defiance. You let the child know there is a problem here that needs to be resolved and let's look at it that way. Such as, staying in bed after your alarm goes off doesn't solve your problem. It causes you miss the bus. What is a solution to this problem? 2. To treat Opppositional Defiance disorder in children, you must key on their compliance issues and coping mechanisms. Self-esteem can't be taught. They learn this intrinsically by completing something that seemed beyond their ability. Add constant, real affirmations and a supportive position with some rewards that are in line with the accomplishment. Do not "praise" down to them for a skill that they were to have already learned. 3. Do not get into a power struggle. Think through your wars and choose wisely. Being sure your choices are battles in which you are guaranteed victory. This maybe as simple as not engaging in the argument. Then establish boundaries in a matter of fact way with the expectation of compliance. 4. Have a plan for managing your childs behavior. When you're in the car, know what you'll do if he acts out there. Similarly, if you're at the mall or at a friends place, have a plan for how to handle the situation - for instance, one warning then leaving. Make sure the child learns that defiance doesn't get him what he wants. Most of the time, Opposition Defiance Disorder is not a huge thing. It can be nipped in the bud when at the low level stage of defiance as long as they are not aggressive. Mostly it is just annoying to those around them. But be forewarned, untreated it has a great possibility of becoming Conduct Disorder which then would transform into anti-social and criminal behavior. The good news is that the Total Transformation program can turn things around and quickly. I know because that is what has happily happened to my family. About the Author: Do you have a kid that argues non-stop? Maybe they've got Oppositional Defiant Behavior also known as ODD. You don't need to live that way anymore! Go to http://tips-for-parenting.info for lots of articles on ODD, ADD, ADHD, SPD and some good old parenting tips and tools.
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